Crusading against the idea that all women over 30 are old hags has been something of a hobby horse of mine lately. It?s a fight that?s generally met with ?amens? from Gen X and Y women and skepticism by similarly-aged men (note to guys: just because you personally don?t subscribe do the idea that it?s all downhill for women?s looks after 23 doesn?t mean we?re not bombarded with that message from myriad directions). Well, lo and behold ? as if to perfectly illustrate my point ? this Daily Mail article?about women worrying about the visible effects of aging ?at just 29 YEARS OLD.? Like so many pieces in our favorite tabloid, the writer is ostensibly credulous at this phenomenon while backhandedly telling 29-year-olds how old and ugly they are.
?Sagging breasts, a wrinkly face, thread veins and thinning hair,? the piece begins. ?They all sound like signs of aging that women in their 70s might be worrying about.?But ??a woman?s battle to grow old gracefully begins at the end of her twenties, according to new research.?
Make no mistake, ladies: Growing old gracefully is a battle, and in this war zone ?grace? has nothing to do with maturity, character or accomplishment and everything to do with how effectively you can mimic?Chlo? Moretz.
The article goes on to point out that while actress Emily Blunt, Victoria?s Secret model Miranda Kerr and Esquire?s 2012 ?Sexiest Woman Alive? Mila Kunis may be nice to look at now, they are 29 YEARS OLD and therefore teetering on the brink of bodily disaster.?And in case you?re wondering just how bad it can get, the Mail provides a handy list of all the things that are likely ugly and wrong with you if not prepubescent Our Aging Worries:
Getting wrinkles,?Sagging face,?Sagging boobs,?Facial hair,?Going grey,?Middle aged spread,?Wrinkly cleavage,?Thinning hair,?Sagging bottom,?Bingo wings ?
Our editorial director Meghan and I puzzled over that last one a little bit ?
Meghan: E, what are bingo wings?
Elizabeth: I think it must be a Britishism
Meghan: apparently it?s an English term for arm fat?
Elizabeth: ewww ??so is a bingo some kind of British bird? (that may be a really stupid question)
Meghan: no, i think it?s from playing too much bingo??and not exercising?
Elizabeth: that makes more sense
? and she was mostly right; Urban Dictionary informs me bingo wings refers to ?loose musculature and skin on the back of the upper arms, especially apparent in older women raising their arms for some reason, such as to shout ?bingo!?? Because obviously that is the only reason older women ever raise their arms.
WHY ARE THE WAYS WE TALK ABOUT WOMEN SO OVERWHELMINGLY INSULTING?
Apologies for the all caps, but it?s just mind-boggling and frustrating and actually makes me really damn angry if I give it too much thought. Western society has long had a vested interest in convincing aging women they need products and potions and procedures to keep themselves appropriately appealing to our collectively sensitive aesthetic whims, but the age at which this message is targeted seems to get younger and younger. I wonder if it has anything to do with women delaying marriage longer?
But enough armchair sociology. Let?s end this with a smidge more inanity from the Mail (emphasis mine):
Incredibly, more than one in ten women feel they look older than they are by an average of six years.?But six in 10 ladies feel younger than their years, and claim good make-up and skin care routines cause this.
Indeed, 45 per cent of respondents are lucky enough to regularly receive compliments about how young they look, and believe it is worth making a concerted effort to look younger.
Andrew Groom is Buying Director of Superdrug, the company which conducted the study of 2,000 women.
Mr Groom said: ?It is incredible to think that those who are still in the prime of their life at 29 are already worrying about the effect ageing will have on their face and body.?That said, it?s really never too early to take care of your skin, and today?s women are lucky that products on our shelves really work.?
Surprise, surprise: Superdrug is a company that sells beauty and anti-aging products.
Photo: Screenshot from the Daily Mail
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