Foster Care Month ? Modern Parent Online

Written By: Kelly Smith, The Queen Bee

May is National Foster Care Month. It is a time to pay tribute to the thousands of caring and compassionate adults who serve as foster parents, caregivers, social workers and volunteers, as well as the thousands of foster children who are cared for across our great country.

Much unlike most children, I grew up knowing what foster care and adoption was as my grandparents had opened their home for many years to many foster children, so the topic was always discussed in one way or another. I grew up hearing stories of these children?s lives in my grandparents? home. I understood and accepted the love my grandparents had for these children and learned early on that above all, love was what was most important in a family. My Uncle Mike was a foster child who lived with my grandparents and my mom from the time he was 18 months old and until he died from Leukemia at the age of 15. He was their son and my Mom?s little brother and his death affected everyone in the family. I grew up knowing just how special he was and how much my grandparents cherished their son. Uncle Mike was family and it was apparent by the love he shared with everyone in the family.

Most of us have experienced a time in our lives when a series of events changed our lives and the direction of our lives were taking forever. This happened to me in my pre-mommy days back in 1989. I began working that year at Pius XII Youth & Family Services as an assistant caseworker in their foster care and adoption program. I had previously worked as an educational homemaker and helped at risk families learn pertinent life skills in order to prevent their children from being placed in the foster care system. While working on one of my cases, a colleague offered me a position with Pius XII. When I accepted that position, I never knew exactly how much that very moment would change the course of my life forever.

I loved everything about my job at Pius XII. Everything from my co-workers, the children, the families and the whole purpose of uniting families together, whether through adoption or the reunification of families who had once struggled but thrived. I worked year after year alongside caseworkers and learned a limitless amount of knowledge about the social service field and I loved every minute of it. It was a job that gave back, time and time again. I left Pius XII in early 1996, after the birth of my second child. It was a very difficult decision, but motherhood and the need to raise my two small children prevailed.

A few months later, I received a call from one of the caseworkers from Pius XII, inquiring if my husband and I would consider being foster parents for two teenage children that were in need of a stable home. The agency had discussed our home and believed that my husband and I would be wonderful candidates to care for these teenage children. Without hesitation, we said yes and our world changed forever.

A few days later, Pito and Jackie arrived at our home and we were ready to open our hearts and our home and become a family offering them the stability they yearned for. Becoming foster parents meant opening our lives to children to provide them with a safe, secure, and nurturing home. It was a wonderful and life-changing experience for us as the parents and for the children alike. In our home, we served as parents, counselors, healers, friends, mentors, role models, teachers and disciplinarians to the children. What greater reward could there be than to give new life to a child, especially to a child who has been hurt or damaged by adult mistakes. To help a child learn to trust and love again is quite a reward in itself. Foster parents have the privilege of giving a child his/her life back. I had the privilege and reward of knowing that by my own life, another?s would be better!

My role as a foster mother has taught me a lot about the world and about how families work. It has shown me that some definitions of family are very different from my own. I now appreciate how very lucky I am to have my own family in my life. I've learned to love unconditionally those who need it, no matter where they come from or how long they stay with us. It's devastating to see that child hurt again and again, and be unable to do anything to stop it. Love isn't always enough to cure every child. I really wish it was, but it isn't. Not only do you have to offer the love and encouragement, but the child has to be willing to accept it. Feeling powerless is an emotion that seems to stay over your head like a dark rain cloud, and you never know when the skies are going to burst into sudden downpours. I had learned along the way that the most important part of being a foster mom was to show consistency, love, compassion and most of all understanding.

Over the years, we provided care for several foster children, mostly on a temporary basis. Jackie only stayed in our home for about a year until she graduated high school and began college. Pito lived with us for over 5 years and throughout those years the bond between our family and Pito grew stronger and stronger with each passing day. He is our forever son and my children adore their older brother. It's incredible how much you can come to love a child who isn't even yours. It is sometimes hard to believe that it has been 16 years since he came into our lives. He was a petite, scared, and confused, 13-year-old and I am sure neither of us realized how much that day would change all of our lives forever. We couldn?t be more proud of him.

Pito has grown into an amazing young man and has eloquently overcome many obstacles along the way. It makes my heart sing every time he calls me just to thank me for all that we have done for him and for always standing by his side. I wouldn?t have had it any other way. He always tells me that he wouldn?t be who he is today if it weren?t for our family and the love we extended to him throughout the years. We are blessed to have him as our son and with those blessings; he has unknowingly changed our lives, FOREVER. Pito currently lives in New York City and is employed as a drug and alcohol counselor. Pito and his fianc?e are expecting the birth of their first baby in a few short days. As he begins his new journey, I am confident that he will be a wonderful father to his baby girl.

Foster care has forever changed my life and how I see the world. It has been a rewarding experience and one that has had a positive effect on my entire family including my own children. My children have learned so much from this experience. They have learned empathy, understanding, compassion, humility, kindness and most of all unconditional LOVE.

For more information on becoming a foster parent and to help a child in need, please call:

In Mecklenburg County: 704-336-KIDS (5437) or visit http://yfs.charmeck.org.
In Union County: 704-296-4410
Thompson Family & Child Focus: 704-376-7180

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